Welcome to day one of training in our nation’s police and military academies. You all know what to expect because we’ve all watched “Full Metal Jacket,” “Biloxi Blues,” “Platoon,” and “Heartbreak Ridge” many, many times. Heck, I’ll even throw “Stripes!” into the mix!
One of the things you’ll have to learn as a new recruit is how to stand in formation at the proper position and while keeping a straight face. The Buckingham Palace guards have been practicing their little gig for ages, but us American soldiers and police officers are somewhat new to the whole “serious face” routine while in formation. In “Rocky III,” they referred to it as the Eye of the Tiger!
As a new recruit, I’ll explain this one time and one time only. When you’re in formation and you’re at the position of attention, particularly if you’re saluting, you must never…NEVER…lose your cool. That Eye of the Tiger look must prevail at all times. If it happens to slip and you lose your cool, Heaven help you! There are guys that went down to do push-ups and never got up again!
That being said, I’m going to let you in on a little hazing ritual that takes place at our modern police academies and military training facilities that’s so sinister, so very brutal, that I believe I may have gotten out of the service myself if I had to endure this treatment.
It’s referred to simply as the “Chicken Test.” But don’t let the name fool you. Think of the movie “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” where Tim the Wizard is attempting to warn King Arthur and his brave knights of the Round Table about the hideous monster that lurks in the cave with all the bones scattered about. When they notice that it’s a cute little bunny and get angry at Tim for his ridiculous warning, he shouts, “That’s the most vicious little rodent you ever laid eyes on!” Despite his warning, they all charge and…well, chaos ensues and several of the knights are beheaded and have their throats torn out by this little white bunny!
So, without further adieu, below you will find videos that display this new hazing procedure in all its disgusting and gory detail.
VIEWER BEWARE: This is not pretty.
The secret to this life is self-discipline. There I told you. “Love your neighbor” requires discipline. Zen is discipline. Military and police units require discipline. My Tai Chi class requires discipline. (Oh, I highly recommend Tai Chi, just know that it takes 10 years to master beginning Tai Chi so if your instructor hasn’t been doing it for a few decades, he/she/it is a fraud.) Everything requires discipline. The Ecole Militare sort of stuff and the Tai Chi style are opposite ends of the “stand straight and don’t move” spectrum, but either will work. “Hazing” is one of those really sloppy labels. It could mean really horrible sadistic punishments or as it’s misused in this case. S.I. Haywaka would be delighted with this example of sloppy thinking and word misuse. — Discipline isn’t easy, I probably need another thousand years or so .. If you want to do something really good for your kid.. discipline…