SATIRE: Jill Stein’s Recount Effort to Cost $33 Trillion

After suffering for almost two years through a bitter presidential campaign, it’s nice that it’s finally over.  Really, Americans do have other things to do than stay glued to their computer screens to watch the latest news regarding Trump and Clinton as well as the cast of characters who were unsuccessful in their primary campaigns.

Well, the election is over except for Jill Stein’s $33 trillion ballot recount effort.  You know how government projects typically wind up costing far more than the original estimate.  Well, it would seem Jill’s original $2 million estimate was just a bit too low.  Details follow.

Jill Stein has a level head about her…or so most people think. She attributes this to minimal exposure to Wi-Fi signals, but it likely has something to do with how successful she’s been at raising funds lately. Even through media inquiries questioning her intentions, she keeps on keeping on with the voter recount effort. Having been on the wrong side of several recounts where she has lost by tens of millions of votes, Stein understands how important it is that every vote is counted, in hand, by a starving artist, spending no less than 10 seconds looking at each one. That’s no easy task…and it doesn’t come cheap.

I was able to catch up with Dr. Stein on her new yacht for what turned out to be an interview I would never forget. Her 155-foot yacht, christened with the name of Fidel, is a beautiful vessel with an unquestionably luxurious feel. I was led by Susan Sarandon to a very cozy room that appeared to be some kind of salon, where I sat down in a recliner, roughly 5 feet from Dr. Stein to begin the interview. I soon became frustrated by her freshly hired assistants (some college boys from Cuba) as they were regularly in the way while giving her a mani-pedi.

Enough of the introductory stuff.  Let’s get to that $33 trillion figure.

“What recount? Oh! The vote recount effort for Hillary Clinton. Yes, we were so certain it would cost around $2 million dollars, but as we learned more and more about the publicly available information regarding the recount laws in these three states, we knew that our original estimate just wasn’t enough.” She paused to sip champagne from a gold-rimmed Swarovski crystal flute and continued, “It will cost at least $10 Trillion for the recounts in Northwest Wisconsin alone, so we obviously have had to ask for more money…$33 Trillion to be exact.”

Having gotten to the meat of the issue, our interviewer was able to get one last question in before being chased off the yacht and back on the boat dock,

“Just tell us what will you do with the leftover funds?!”

She must have heard me since she calmly walked to the side of the boat, caressed the rail with her fingers, and slowly smirked as she stared me right in the eyes and provided me a response that shook me to the core. She simply said, “Rid the world of Wi-Fi.”

And now you know why there is a Green Party.

Source:  The Libertarian Republic